Webcomic Brainstorming

Script from Thom

2008-05-24T11:43:00.001-07:00

Note: The artwork for the comic should be very heavy in a "film noir" attitude. Heavy shadows, possibly even black and white.

PAGE ONE

It's 1921 in the city of Chicago. The Eighteenth Amendment prohibiting the sale of alcohol has been passed for two years and organized crime is becoming more and more entrenched. A light rain has started, with signs of getting even worse.

It is here in the interior of a small general store that our story begins. Mr. Rothman, a middle aged Jewish man (as well as proprietor of the store) is standing on a small ladder, putting away some canned goods behind his counter. The bell attached above the door chimes, signaling someone coming in. We never see who comes in.

ROTHMAN

Be right with you.

He turns to look at the customer.

ROTHMAN

Oy. You vere just in here! Vhy can't you leave me alone!

Rothman's face turns worried, then panicky.

ROTHMAN

No! I promise I'll get you the money!

A large shot echoes as if from a shotgun blast. The camera tilts downward past the counter, showing the body of Rothman, his head completely obscured by the shadows. Rivulets of blood can be seen coming from the shadows, though.

PAGE TWO:

it is later in the day. The rain is now coming down in a torrent. Visibility is poor, so any shots in the distance should be partially obscured by the rain.

We have a medium wide shot of a dark figure (Joe Murphy, our lead character, wearing a fedora and trenchcoat) -- standing in an alley looking at Vic's Diner. Even though the rain is pouring outside, the alley is dry, protected from the tall (two or three story) buildings on either side.

A close-up of Joe's hands shows him holding his pistol -- a 1905 S&W Hand Ejector .38 (http://world.guns.ru/handguns/sw-he38.jpg) -- left hand on the pistol grip and cradling it in his right.

He puts his gun back in its shoulder harness before walking across the street.

Switch to a view inside the diner, medium shot of Bridget as we see Murphy walking to the diner. (Note: The buildings that made up the alley are comprised of a grocery story and a bar.) The diner is mostly empty right now. There are a young (20's) couple sitting in one booth holding hands. Another booth has the busboy (Chen Cheng, the young Chinese boy) packing up dirty dishes, and a third booth has the person obscured by the newspaper he's reading (with several plates in front of him, with half-eaten food on it. Bridget is pouring a cup of coffee to someone at the counter. -- use several shots to establish this, each one has Murphy getting closer and closer to the door.

As Murphy walks in the door, Bridget looks up at him. His face is obscured by his fedora. As Murphy walks past each of the booths, the occupants look up at him until he reaches the newspaper reader. The front page blares out "BALLPLAYER MURDERED!" in large type, with the smaller headline under it reading "'TRIPLE A' ADAMS GUNNED DOWN AT HOME" (Note: 'Triple A' Adams is referring to Alphonse Abraham Adams, a fictitious pitcher for the Chicago Cubs.)

PAGE THREE:

Our newspaper reader lowers the paper to look at Murphy (his face finally visible for the first time. It's his partner, Larry Carey. To call Carey a "fat slob" is an understatement. His mouth is stained with the remnants of the blueberry pie he was eating and his shirt is covered with the scraps of food that didn't quite reach his mouth.

CAREY

You gonna sit down or jjust gonna stand there all wet?

Carey begins laughing

CAREY

What am I sayin'? You're always all wet!

Murphy is taking off his coat and hat, neatly folding it up in the seat before sitting down.

MURPHY

Funny, Larry. You're a regular Jimmy Durante.

Has the Captain given us an assignment yet?

With Murphy sitting down, Bridget has brought over a cup and is pouring him some hot steaming coffee.

CAREY (Shoving some more pie into his face)

Y'know, Joe, maybe if you weren't such a bluenose, the Captain'd like ya more.

BRIDGET

The usual, Detective Murphy?

MURPHY

Thank you, Bridget. That'd be jake.

CAREY

And some more of this delicious pie, doll!

Carey smacks Bridget on the bum. (He's a creep... )

A loud scream penetrates the diner.

PAGE FOUR:

Splash page: With Murphy, Carey, and Bridget framing the shot, we focus through the window over to the grocery store. An older (mid-50's) middle-class woman is standing in the rain (no coat), obviously panicked and frightened.

Story title and credits will be placed around the bottom of the page.

SCREAMING WOMAN

(LARGE type with jagged voice balloon)

HE'S DEAD!

Quick Character Reference

2008-05-24T11:42:00.001-07:00

MAIN

Bridget Pauline O'Connor -- waitress/detective

Joseph "Joe" Murphy -- detective/cop

COPS

Lawrence "Larry" Carey -- Joe's crooked partner

-- Murphy's captain

James and John "The Tweedles" -- identical twin cops

DINER

Vic -- the Cook

Chen Cheng -- Chinese busboy

-- waitress

CHICAGO

Mayor William Thompson

Domain URL

2008-04-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

Maybe you can remember www.WebcomicBeacon.com/brainstorm

Probably too early 20's....

2008-04-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

sketching while talking

2008-04-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

Brief Scene Idea

2008-04-19T06:42:00.000-07:00

Brief because I'm really busy and I'm not really a writer for this sort of story. I'm more of an idea sorter and composer.... so here's my rough imagining of a scene. Also, some of what I am writing includes background information, and no distinct dialog... since I have no idea how to write this sort of scene without details of the crime.

Pan-Panel: Setting: Inside the Café. Murphy is sitting at his usual table. Going over the case. Papers and photographs all neatly lined up and sorted. Pauline is behind the counter, hunched over the counter, writing on receipts.

Panel: We see Pauline is actually doodling the scene of the crime that Murphy is investigating (to which she compiled from her various trips to Murphy's table). Pauline has an epiphany.

Panel: Pauline looks up at the detective. Thought balloon describe a thought of hers of some breakthrough. Something that was missed, but fits. It's in one of the photos. But the Detective had not picked it out yet, because he is still mulling over this particular problem.... (let's say its the murder weapon... something non-traditional... "not found" at the scene, though a photograph of the scene catches it in the shot).

Panel: Murphy is looking a tad frustrated at this point. Starring down at the written report.

Panel: Pauline comes up to the detective with a "Hey, hun, looks like you could use more coffee/another pastry. Staying late again?" Murphy, "I think I may call it a day soon. Just can't figure out what he used!" (or something)

Panel: Pauline now assorts a napkin on the table to put a new coffee/pastry down. She "accidentally" pushes the key photo to "make room" for the napkin. The photo is positioned to really showcase the location of the murder weapon (which should be something that was found in the area and probably used... like a pipe or some other typical "alley" item.). Paulline, "I'm sure it's right under your nose. You just gotta stick to it!" (or something) Murphy, "Yea..."

Panel: Murphy has reached for his coffee/pastry and notices the photo out of place. With his coffee in his hand, he uses his other hand to push it back into place.

Panel: He pauses. He sees it. Murphy mutters, "Bridget...", Off panel: Pauline, "Hmmm?"

Panel: Wide shot of both of them. Murphy, "I think I will be staying late after all." Pauline, Smiles, "I'll put a new pot on!"

Characters

2008-03-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

The character notes form our last brainstorming session:

Bridget Pauline
(Waitress Detective)

Appearance:
20ish
Attractive but not stand out

Personality:
Genuinely Warm and Friendly
Guarded about personal life and history
Subtle

Flaws:
Low Self-esteem
Freezes up when she is outside of here comfort zone.

Joseph Murphy
(Detective)

Appearance:
30ish
Handsome clean shaven
Sharply dressed (G-man like)

Personality:
Proud of his accomplishment
Kind
Organized and meticulous

Flaws:
Slighly cocky
By the rules.

Vic
(cook)
Messy
Gruff

Watress 2

Appearance:
Blond
Barbie Doll
Young
Chews gum

Personality:
Bubbly and Flirty

Busboy
Oriental
Doesn’t speak
Probably has degrees in philosophy, business and theoretical physics for all we know.

The Partner
Corrupt but generally good guy
Family man
Mob ties
Weak willed

The Captain
Crooked and Slimy

The Mayor
Based on historical mayor
Out to save his own skin.
Political

Priest
(no data yet)

Old partner
Nearing retirement
Beat cop
Street wise but not book smart

Twin cops
(no data)
Probably comic relief

Reginald
Diner Regular
Knows it all and been everywhere
Bum in nice clothing (top hat?)

The owner
Never seen.
Bridget talks about him in conversation
May be fictions.

The Diner
Medum size diner

The District
Irish/Italian border district
Total districts+1

From Tanya

2008-03-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

The scene that immediately came to my mind was a "sleeper scene" - either a break from a current story line, or a scene in between major story lines. There's actually no interactive dialogue, and the scene could easily be done "silent".

We see our waitress/detective going from table to table, jotting down orders in her notebook - just another routine day. She heads home and flips through her order notebook one last time before bed. The final panel focuses on the notebook and reveals a page full of crime notes, clues and questions rather than orders.

That's what I've got. I'm not much for writing detective stories. *laughs*

t

Character Sketches

2008-03-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

I was doodling while we cast last time.. nothing fancy.. just ideas. You can see how I personally start off-- with a basic idea, then write lots of notes to myself. The colors are of course, all wrong. I envision something much more dour than red and black pen. Some sepia... good old fashioned dirt colors would be nice.

-Aggie

Test Scenes

2008-03-02T08:37:00.000-08:00

From Drowemos

So here is my take on our little story. These are just some random scene that popped into my head. One interesting thing for me is that when I started writing this I found that the story was more about the romance than the mystery. It was the interaction between the character that grabbed me. Particularly it was how the Detective would react when he figured out he was being played.

Now it is my method to start at the beginning and then jump to the end. I like to know where I am going when I write. Often it the process of writing I throw out my ending and beginning but having a starting point and ending point nails it down for me. Even if ultimately they are not used.

Scene 1

You see a picture of a murdered man. Underneath the picture are a number of other documents and pictures all laid out on a dinner table. Off to the side sits a notebook with the words “Possible Robbery” written on it. A nearly empty coffee cup is place on opposite side of the documents from the notebook and next to the coffee cup a thick rough hand taps a pencil on the table in frustration.

The scene then widens to show a square jawed detective (Jack Richman) sitting at a dinner table considering the pictures. He is smartly dressed but there is a bit too much muscle on him for his suit the fabric straining to fit his shoulders. As the detective the detective considers his work a slim waitress (Rose Coleridge) with jet black hair cut in a plain strait Eton Crop walks up to him with a pot of coffee.

ROSE
Fresh’n your cup?

JACK
Mnh… sure.

The waitress glances at the detectives work and smiles sweetly in admiration. The Detective looks up at her in confusion at her apparent appreciation of a murder scene.

ROSE
Oh, that’s pretty.

JACK
Hun? It’s a picture of a murder scene.

ROSE
Oh, yea. I was just talking about his watch.

Refilling the Detective’s cup with one hand the Waitress leans over the table and point to one of the pictures with her free hand.

ROSE
You see here. It’s one of those Rolexes Ambassadors. The boss was saying the other day he’d kill for one of those. They’re worth a fortune.

The Waitress walks away as the Detective takes a sip of the coffee looking deep in thought.

ROSE
Well give me a holler if you need anything.

The Detective puts the cup down and scribbles something on his note pad.

You then get a closes up look of the note pad. The words “Possible Robbery” have been crossed out and the words “Murder made to look like robbery” have been written underneath

Scene 2

Again the Detective sits at his both papers spread out on the table. He has been talking to the Waitress who is leaning against the edge of the booth. In a moment of realization the Detective pick up a crucial photo looking at it in detail.

JACK
So that mean my man is going to the governor ball. A man with a vertical slit down the sole of his left shoe.

Jack puts down the photo and ponders the how to get to the ball.

JACK
Hmmm. I could probably go undercover you know. But if I go stag I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. I don’t…

The Waitress takes a step backwards in joyful shock. She interrupts the Detectives speech with a gasp.

ROSE
Gasp!

Before the Detective can say anything else she leans forward and takes his hand. Teary eyed with joy.

ROSE
Matt. Yes! Of course I’ll go with you.

JACK
No I mean…

The Waitress runs off paying no attention to what the Detective is saying.

ROSE
Oh my. Imagine me going to a fancy ball. I’ll call the boss and ask for the night off right now.

JACK
Rose...

Alone in his booth the Detective puts his head in his hands.

JACK
Nuts

Scene 3

The Detective has come to pick up Rose for their “Date”. He is wearing a rented tux that actually accommodates his build. Rose is talking to him from the other room as he waits in the front room. The room looks like a library run by insane packrats. There are plies of books and papers on every surface cluttering every space. A scruffy looking black cat looks suspiciously down at the detective from one of the tall stacks. The Detective is obviously feeling out of his element as he tries to persuade the Waitress not to come with him.

JACK
Rose I really don’t’ think this is a good idea. It could be dangerous.

ROSE(OFF PANEL)
Oh don’t be silly. I’ll have you there to protect me. I couldn’t be safer.

Rose walks into the room. She is wearing a long gown that has vertical cut across the top. Uncharacteristically she has makeup on and her hair has been curled. The Detective takes a look at her and stop mid sentence.

JACK
Still I…

Rose looks at him confused not understanding why he suddenly went silent.

ROSE
What?

The Detective explains himself, awe in his voice. The Waitress blushes and looks away not used to complements. The games and manipulations drop away and the two share an honest and intimate moment.

JACK
You look beautiful.

ROSE
Oh.

The two stand in silence for a moment not wanting to look at each other.

Jack breaks the silence trying to pursue his previous argument. Rose just ignores him and pulls him out the door by the lapel of his jacket.

JACK
Still I don’t think it’s a good idea for…

ROSE
Jack don’t spoil the moment will ya?

Scene 4

The Waitress leans on the lunch counter of the Dinner. She is reading a newspaper with a smile of satisfaction on her face.

The Detective walks into the dinner looking grim and determined and sits down across from the Waitress. With a smile the Waitress holds up the newspaper showing the Detective shaking the hands of the mayor. The headline says serial killer caught.

ROSE
Hi Jack. Saw your picture in the paper. Impressive.

The Detective takes out a medal of honor and puts it on the table. He looks at the Waitress with a steely look as he talks.

JACK
Yep. Even got a medal.

ROSE
Wow.

JACK
Yea. The thing is I didn’t earn it did I?

The Waitress looks at the Detective with confusion. He steely look is slowly changing to anger.

ROSE
What do you mean?

JACK
You must think I’m pretty dumb don’t you. You just “happen” to give me the right advice at the right time. You just “happen” to show up everywhere the clues of the case lead. You just “happen” to lead me around to solve the case. A lot of things “happen” around you Rose.

The Waitress tries to touch the Detective’s hand but he pulls it away from her. The Waitress looks on the edge of tears but the Detective is unmoved his gaze hard and unforgiving.

ROSE
Jack I…

JACK
So what? Do you think you’re a guardian angel? Helping dumb old Jack Richman because lord knows he can’t do things himself.

ROSE
No.

JACK
Tell me one thing. When you just “happened” to miss understand about the ball. Did you go because you wanted to go or solve a crime?

ROSE
Can’t it be both?

The Detective stands up pounding the medal violently down on the counter.

JACK
No. It can’t.

The detective storms out of the dinner leaving the Waitress alone.

JACK
Enjoy your metal Rose. You earned it. You got your man.

The Waitress considers the medal with a sad look.

ROSE
No I didn’t.

Scene 5 page 1

The scene opens with a shot of the Waitress in the Dinner late at night, busing a table after a long day.

NARRATION
One week later

The door to Dinner opens and the Detective walks in a businesslike manner. He is carrying a folder underneath his arm. The Waitress looks at the Detective with a mixture of shock and pleasure.

ROSE
Jack?

JACK
Evening Rose. A cup of coffee if you would and keep them coming

The Detective sits down unceremoniously in a booth. The Waitress comes walks over to the Detective with a pleading look on her face but the Detective meat her gaze without emotion and lifts his cup to indicate he wants some coffee.

ROSE
Jack maybe we could talk about things.

JACK
Just here for the coffee, not the conversation.

The Detective opens up his folder and spread a case file on the table. The Watress looks at him confused and he smiles a smug smile back at her.

ROSE
What are you doing?

JACK
Same thing I always do. Reviewing a case. A real tricky one. Coffee please.

Scene 5 page 2

Three panels showing the Waitress filling the Detective’s cup. As she poor the cup she glance nervously at the Detective and the papers on the table.

The Waitress finally snaps yelling at the Detective.

ROSE
Oh for the love of God! He’s not dead. He faked his own death to avoid the gambling debts he accumulated with the mob or some such. You can see here on the bank records he has been paying out large and larger amounts every month to a dry-cleaning service. Why would you’re dry-cleaning bill increase every month? The body is that of some field worker. The redskin on the back of the neck is not from the fire its sunburn he’s a red neck get it. This so call affair the wife seemed to be having is with her husband. They set up the whole affair thing so that there would be no question about her remarrying so soon after the death.

Defiantly the Waitress crosses her arm in front of her chest and glares at the Detective. As she does the Detective calmly takes a sip of coffee.

ROSE
You can find you man by just waiting a following the wife but what you really should do is investigate this dry-cleaning company. They launder more than just clothes it seems.

ROSE
Are you happy now?

JACK
Yes. Yes I am.

Welcome

2008-03-02T07:27:00.000-08:00

Welcome the brainstorming blog. This blog is created in conjunction with the Webcomic Beacon as part of their monthly Brainstorming Sessions. This area will be used for participant to share their thought on story development and characters.