Saturday, May 24, 2008

Script from Thom

Note: The artwork for the comic should be very heavy in a "film noir" attitude. Heavy shadows, possibly even black and white.


It's 1921 in the city of Chicago. The Eighteenth Amendment prohibiting the sale of alcohol has been passed for two years and organized crime is becoming more and more entrenched. A light rain has started, with signs of getting even worse.

It is here in the interior of a small general store that our story begins. Mr. Rothman, a middle aged Jewish man (as well as proprietor of the store) is standing on a small ladder, putting away some canned goods behind his counter. The bell attached above the door chimes, signaling someone coming in. We never see who comes in.


Be right with you.

He turns to look at the customer.


Oy. You vere just in here! Vhy can't you leave me alone!

Rothman's face turns worried, then panicky.


No! I promise I'll get you the money!

A large shot echoes as if from a shotgun blast. The camera tilts downward past the counter, showing the body of Rothman, his head completely obscured by the shadows. Rivulets of blood can be seen coming from the shadows, though.


it is later in the day. The rain is now coming down in a torrent. Visibility is poor, so any shots in the distance should be partially obscured by the rain.

We have a medium wide shot of a dark figure (Joe Murphy, our lead character, wearing a fedora and trenchcoat) -- standing in an alley looking at Vic's Diner. Even though the rain is pouring outside, the alley is dry, protected from the tall (two or three story) buildings on either side.

A close-up of Joe's hands shows him holding his pistol -- a 1905 S&W Hand Ejector .38 ( -- left hand on the pistol grip and cradling it in his right.

He puts his gun back in its shoulder harness before walking across the street.

Switch to a view inside the diner, medium shot of Bridget as we see Murphy walking to the diner. (Note: The buildings that made up the alley are comprised of a grocery story and a bar.) The diner is mostly empty right now. There are a young (20's) couple sitting in one booth holding hands. Another booth has the busboy (Chen Cheng, the young Chinese boy) packing up dirty dishes, and a third booth has the person obscured by the newspaper he's reading (with several plates in front of him, with half-eaten food on it. Bridget is pouring a cup of coffee to someone at the counter. -- use several shots to establish this, each one has Murphy getting closer and closer to the door.

As Murphy walks in the door, Bridget looks up at him. His face is obscured by his fedora. As Murphy walks past each of the booths, the occupants look up at him until he reaches the newspaper reader. The front page blares out "BALLPLAYER MURDERED!" in large type, with the smaller headline under it reading "'TRIPLE A' ADAMS GUNNED DOWN AT HOME" (Note: 'Triple A' Adams is referring to Alphonse Abraham Adams, a fictitious pitcher for the Chicago Cubs.)


Our newspaper reader lowers the paper to look at Murphy (his face finally visible for the first time. It's his partner, Larry Carey. To call Carey a "fat slob" is an understatement. His mouth is stained with the remnants of the blueberry pie he was eating and his shirt is covered with the scraps of food that didn't quite reach his mouth.


You gonna sit down or jjust gonna stand there all wet?

Carey begins laughing


What am I sayin'? You're always all wet!

Murphy is taking off his coat and hat, neatly folding it up in the seat before sitting down.


Funny, Larry. You're a regular Jimmy Durante.

Has the Captain given us an assignment yet?

With Murphy sitting down, Bridget has brought over a cup and is pouring him some hot steaming coffee.

CAREY (Shoving some more pie into his face)

Y'know, Joe, maybe if you weren't such a bluenose, the Captain'd like ya more.


The usual, Detective Murphy?


Thank you, Bridget. That'd be jake.


And some more of this delicious pie, doll!

Carey smacks Bridget on the bum. (He's a creep... )

A loud scream penetrates the diner.


Splash page: With Murphy, Carey, and Bridget framing the shot, we focus through the window over to the grocery store. An older (mid-50's) middle-class woman is standing in the rain (no coat), obviously panicked and frightened.

Story title and credits will be placed around the bottom of the page.


(LARGE type with jagged voice balloon)


Quick Character Reference


Bridget Pauline O'Connor -- waitress/detective

Joseph "Joe" Murphy -- detective/cop


Lawrence "Larry" Carey -- Joe's crooked partner

-- Murphy's captain

James and John "The Tweedles" -- identical twin cops


Vic -- the Cook

Chen Cheng -- Chinese busboy

-- waitress


Mayor William Thompson

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Brief Scene Idea

Brief because I'm really busy and I'm not really a writer for this sort of story. I'm more of an idea sorter and composer.... so here's my rough imagining of a scene. Also, some of what I am writing includes background information, and no distinct dialog... since I have no idea how to write this sort of scene without details of the crime.

Pan-Panel: Setting: Inside the Café. Murphy is sitting at his usual table. Going over the case. Papers and photographs all neatly lined up and sorted. Pauline is behind the counter, hunched over the counter, writing on receipts.

Panel: We see Pauline is actually doodling the scene of the crime that Murphy is investigating (to which she compiled from her various trips to Murphy's table). Pauline has an epiphany.

Panel: Pauline looks up at the detective. Thought balloon describe a thought of hers of some breakthrough. Something that was missed, but fits. It's in one of the photos. But the Detective had not picked it out yet, because he is still mulling over this particular problem.... (let's say its the murder weapon... something non-traditional... "not found" at the scene, though a photograph of the scene catches it in the shot).

Panel: Murphy is looking a tad frustrated at this point. Starring down at the written report.

Panel: Pauline comes up to the detective with a "Hey, hun, looks like you could use more coffee/another pastry. Staying late again?" Murphy, "I think I may call it a day soon. Just can't figure out what he used!" (or something)

Panel: Pauline now assorts a napkin on the table to put a new coffee/pastry down. She "accidentally" pushes the key photo to "make room" for the napkin. The photo is positioned to really showcase the location of the murder weapon (which should be something that was found in the area and probably used... like a pipe or some other typical "alley" item.). Paulline, "I'm sure it's right under your nose. You just gotta stick to it!" (or something) Murphy, "Yea..."

Panel: Murphy has reached for his coffee/pastry and notices the photo out of place. With his coffee in his hand, he uses his other hand to push it back into place.

Panel: He pauses. He sees it. Murphy mutters, "Bridget...", Off panel: Pauline, "Hmmm?"

Panel: Wide shot of both of them. Murphy, "I think I will be staying late after all." Pauline, Smiles, "I'll put a new pot on!"

Saturday, March 29, 2008


The character notes form our last brainstorming session:

Bridget Pauline
(Waitress Detective)

Attractive but not stand out

Genuinely Warm and Friendly
Guarded about personal life and history

Low Self-esteem
Freezes up when she is outside of here comfort zone.

Joseph Murphy

Handsome clean shaven
Sharply dressed (G-man like)

Proud of his accomplishment
Organized and meticulous

Slighly cocky
By the rules.



Watress 2

Barbie Doll
Chews gum

Bubbly and Flirty

Doesn’t speak
Probably has degrees in philosophy, business and theoretical physics for all we know.

The Partner
Corrupt but generally good guy
Family man
Mob ties
Weak willed

The Captain
Crooked and Slimy

The Mayor
Based on historical mayor
Out to save his own skin.

(no data yet)

Old partner
Nearing retirement
Beat cop
Street wise but not book smart

Twin cops
(no data)
Probably comic relief

Diner Regular
Knows it all and been everywhere
Bum in nice clothing (top hat?)

The owner
Never seen.
Bridget talks about him in conversation
May be fictions.

The Diner
Medum size diner

The District
Irish/Italian border district
Total districts+1